Orcus's Eleven

"Are you kidding? Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to defile the fonts in the cathedrals of Pelor, Hieroneous and Moradin in the same day? Do you realize that nobody has defiled even a single font before? A few people have gotten close, but only a few.

The third best try was in Veluna City; a barbed devil 'ported into the Hieronean's nave. He only got in a five-foot step before taking a Holy Word in the chops. There wasn't enough left of him for a purification ritual.

Second best was when the Horned Society got a band of Duergar into the Moradinian Holdfast. I think one guy got to the dais before the Defenders showed up and turned them all into grey paste.

But the prize-winner, the absolute uncontested champion try, was when Glasya herself snuck an aspect into Pelor's Solarium in Greyhawk. She was possessing a choirboy; it was a very delicate thing. She actually got her wingtips wet before the archon guardians woke up to what was going on. When the dust settled, getting her inside the pentagram required a mop and a bucket.

Just supposing, though, that you mooks are special. Suppose you do get inside, and you do a little defiling. How are you going to get out? Where you going to go next? You don't know these deities. There was this one guy, Malgorifex, knocked off Yondalla's scion? They didn't just go after him; they went after all his broodmates, and then they destroyed his...

....okay, you already know about the demi-plane. But you have to listen to me. What you're proposing is crazy, it's insane, the only thing smaller than your chance of success is your chance of survival. You're going down in flames, and I don't mean that in a good way.

....so, just out of curiosity, what's your marching order?"

(Not mine.  The title came from a brief musing by Rick Jones and the ensuing brilliance is all down to Andy Solberg.  However, it's been lost for ages and only resurfaced last night and I want to keep it here so I can find it in another seven or eight years.)